Psalm 33:18
“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.”
So far in this series, I’ve discussed the purposes for friendship based on what the Bible tells us about relationships, as well as how unbiblical expectations can affect how we act as friends. I’ve also mentioned throughout this series what a blessing friendships are, especially when they reflect their God-given design. Then I spent time looking at two difficult parts of having friends, relational hurt and loneliness. Today I am going to be ending this series by focusing on two areas that we must be cautious of in our relationships—idolizing friendships and fearing man. These are two issues that most of us have struggled with, whether we know it or not. We are great at making good things, like friends, into idols. We are also prone to care too much about what others think (fearing man), either in a prideful, show-off way, or with a people-pleasing mentality. I’m going to spend a little time talking about these issues separately, while pointing to biblical truths to help us combat both of those temptations.
First, let’s talk about idolizing friendships. No, I don’t mean we are bowing down and worshipping our friends. The Bible says we were created to worship (Isaiah 43:20-21), and if we are not purposely seeking to worship God, our idol-making hearts will put something else in His place. Many times, that ends up being other people. Terms the world may use instead to describe this might be that we become “dependent” or “co-dependent” on someone. A simple way to explain what idolizing a friendship looks like is that we are valuing our relationship with a person more than our relationship with God. When we do this, we are disobeying the commands of God:
Exodus 20:3
You shall have no other gods before me.
1 Corinthians 10:14
Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry.
1 John 5:21
Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.
Signs that we have made a friend an idol could be, “Does my schedule revolve around when I get to hang out with them?” “Do I go to this person with my troubles before I go to the Lord?” “Do I feel rejected when this person needs to cancel on me?” When we care more about spending time with a friend than with the Lord, that friendship may be an idol. When we seek wisdom or truth more from a specific person than from God’s Word, again, that could be a sign of idolizing that relationship. When I have let friends become idols in my own life, discouragement and hurt have been way more common experiences. No friend, no matter how great they are, can replace our God who alone is worthy to be worshipped. When my life is centered around a friend instead of God, it takes its toll on my emotions, thoughts, and reactions to everything around me.
But before I discuss biblical solutions to this struggle, I want to move on to the second area of caution for today: fearing man in our friendships. This is a slightly different aspect than making friendships an idol, yet these two struggles are very connected. Sometimes fearing man displays itself as people-pleasing—I do whatever it takes to make the other person happy. Sometimes it comes across as wanting to impress everyone, so that I can control their image of me. Sometimes it is motivated by a desire to not be rejected. A powerful passage regarding fearing man can be found in John chapter 12, concerning some of the Jewish leaders who believed in Jesus:
John 12:37, 42-43
Even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him…Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved human praise more than praise from God.
Why did they not pursue following Jesus? They feared being put out of the synagogue. They loved human praise more than being obedient to God. Isn’t that so true in our own lives, though? We so often fear other people because we think it will benefit us more in the short-term. God warns us in His Word how this thinking is harmful to us:
Proverbs 29:25
Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
Besides the harm that fearing man brings, it also ruins the purpose we were created for—to worship God! Matthew chapter 6 is great passage that describes how caring about other people’s praises distorts our giving, fasting, and prayer life. If you are worshipping the wrong person, your acts of worship are misdirected.
Now I know it’s taken me a bit to get back to the opening verse for today, but here’s where Psalm 33:18 fits in. Let’s read it one more time:
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.
We were not created to worship or fear people. We were made to worship and fear the Lord, and when we do, we can rest in the hope of His perfect and unfailing love. The rest of Psalm 33 talks about why God is worthy to be feared:
Psalm 33:4-6, 10-11
For the word of the Lord is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.
The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.
By the word of the Lord the heavens were made,
their starry host by the breath of his mouth…
The Lord foils the plans of the nations;
he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.
When we fear the Lord and worship Him as He deserves—making His Word our source of truth, making Him the One we run to for advice, comfort, and help, prioritizing time with Him over anyone else—then we will be more able to resist turning our friendships into idol worship. We will also be able to focus on how to live out the Gospel, rather than living just to please others or to avoid rejection.
Galatians 1:9-10
As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse!Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Servants of God seek to please Him, not people. How convicting is that! It is so hard to put off that old way of living and thinking. But right worship of God helps us believe what the writers of the New Testament believed:
Hebrews 13:6-8
So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?”Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Our Lord and Savior will never change. He is always our helper, always the One who made a way. He is the best friend we could ever ask for, and when we prioritize that friendship over all others, He will faithfully teach us how to be good friends to those around us. He will also give us grace and hope in the middle of relational hurt and disappointments. When we are tempted to idolize or fear our friends, we have the choice to stop and glorify our God instead. By the power of His Spirit, we can grow in the fear of the Lord. Praise God for those great and powerful promises!
Do you view Jesus as your best friend? Do you have godly friends in your life pointing you back to your Savior? I know we’re not all in the same seasons of life, but my prayer for you is that you first and foremost seek to make Jesus your best friend. Study all the reasons the Bible gives us for how good and worthy of praise our Savior is. Put your hope in Him alone. I also pray that you would seek the Bible’s wisdom as you view and make friendships. Remember they are not just for us to get something out of, to feel loved or liked—our relational nature was created for us to reflect God to the world around us. I hope that this series on friendships encourages you in both of those ways, and until next time, thank you again for joining me on Speaking Truth.
Friends, Fear, & Faith