Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)
“As iron sharpens iron,
so a friend sharpens a friend.”
What is the purpose of friendship? Why did God create us to be relational and to have friends? Well, as the opening verse states, we are to sharpen one another “as iron sharpens iron.” If you’re like me, you may not be able to picture what that looks like very easily. It helps me instead to think about how we sharpen dull knives. We use something else that’s very hard, like another knife or a specific type of stone, to sharpen our dull, useless knives so they can become effective tools again. Some other words that come to mind as synonyms for “sharpens” in Proverbs 27:17 are restore, enhance, renew, refine, improve, repair. Aren’t those amazing words to describe what friendships are meant for?
The rest of today’s post is going to discuss the biblical purposes for friendships. I’ll be focusing on some of the principles regarding relationships in the Bible, as well as referring back to Jesus’s perfect example of friendship. Remember, just because there isn’t a clear definition of how to be a friend in Scripture, there are plenty of truths and commands to help and guide us to be godly friends to one another. I hope this discussion helps us see why it is natural for us to desire and maintain friendships, while also giving us hope in a topic that is not so easy for all of us to talk about.
Whether you have had countless friends in your life or just a few, those relationships are usually formed by bonding over some common interest or life circumstance with someone else. As believers, though, our friendships should be based on the common bond we have in Christ. We are not just friends, but brothers and sisters to one another. Therefore, friendships with other Christians should look a lot different than how our world likes to portray friends. The “one another” commands found in the New Testament give us detailed instruction about the purpose of Christ-centered friendships. Here are just a few of those commands and the passages they come from:
Don’t grumble with, complain against, or slander one another (John 6:43; James 4:11, 5:9)
Don’t envy one another (Gal. 5:26)
Be kind, forgive, and bear with one another (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13)
Seek good for one another, and don’t repay evil for evil (1 Thess. 5:15)
Confess sins to one another (James 5:16)
Love one another (John 13:34, 15:12, 17; Rom. 13:8; 1 Pet. 1:22; 1 John 3:11, 4:7, 4:11)
Submit to one another and be humble (Rom. 12:10; Eph. 5:21; Phil. 2:3-4; 1 Pet. 5:5)
Do not judge one another or be stumbling blocks to others (Rom. 14:13)
Carry one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)
Speak truthfully to one another (Eph. 4:25; Col. 3:9)
Build up one another toward love and good deeds (1 Thess. 5:11; Heb. 10:24)
Pray for one another (James 5:16)
Be hospitable to one another (1 Pet. 4:9)
Honestly, when I look at these lists of verses, I don’t just see commands—I see purposes too. Those “one another” commandments describe in detail what it means to “sharpen” one another. Jesus’ own life and example of friendship demonstrated these “one another” purposes. He walked alongside His friends, spoke truth to them, encouraged them, challenged them, and met their needs before His own. He demonstrated patience, forgiveness, and grace towards His friends. He didn’t abandon them even when they hurt Him. He prayed for His friends. He loved them until the very end. What a beautiful picture of those “one another” purposes, and what hope we have since our Savior who walked before us is walking with us now, so that we may emulate these purposes in our friendships (2 Pet. 3:18; Phil. 1:3-6).
Understanding the biblical purposes for friends helps us see what friends are not meant to be: just there to “have your back,” to only build you up, or just for pleasure and entertainment. That’s the way of the world, which would also say anyone who doesn’t do those things should be considered your enemy. Instead, God-centered friendships are part of God’s progressive sanctification in our lives, to make us more into the image of His Son (Romans 8:28-29). Friendships call for sacrifice as we seek to humble ourselves, love others, and serve their needs before our own. And of course, good friends often do have our backs, build us up, and have fun with us. That’s just not all they’re meant for, and we have to remember that if we want to keep growing in how to be a godly friend.
I wanted to wrap up this post with another biblical example of these “one another” purposes being lived out in a friendship in the Bible: that of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament. You can find their detailed story in the book of 1 Samuel, but today I want to highlight a few passages about how God used this friendship in the life of King David:
1 Samuel 18:1-4 (NLT)
“After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David. From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn’t let him return home. And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt.”
Those verses describe how David and Jonathan met, and how they loved each other as friends. Jonathan made a pact with David, giving up some of his own special possessions to show how he cared about David’s needs and well-being. Jonathan served his friend David humbly, even when it meant going against his father the king. When David found out that King Saul was conspiring to kill him, Jonathan promised to warn his friend if the king decided to act on his anger. The following passages highlight the friends’ commitment to one another, even in the middle of this life-threatening scenario:
1 Samuel 20:16-17 (NLT)
So Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, saying, “May the Lord destroy all your enemies!” And Jonathan made David reaffirm his vow of friendship again, for Jonathan loved David as he loved himself.1 Samuel 20:41-42 (NLT)
As soon as the boy was gone, David came out from where he had been hiding near the stone pile. Then David bowed three times to Jonathan with his face to the ground. Both of them were in tears as they embraced each other and said good-bye, especially David. At last Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn loyalty to each other in the Lord’s name. The Lord is the witness of a bond between us and our children forever.” Then David left, and Jonathan returned to the town.
I encourage you to go back and read that entire story in 1 Samuel 20, but I hope you can see the picture of how Jonathan lived out the “one another” commands towards David in these verses. He knew the Lord had anointed David to be king instead of Saul (and ultimately instead of Jonathan his heir), and Jonathan did not grow envious or bitter. He held steadfast to his commitment to love and serve David as his friend. In humility and trust in God’s plan, Jonathan put David’s needs before his own.
While not all of us may have a friend like Jonathan, we can all strive to view others the way he viewed David. We may not be perfect in our relationships as Jesus was, but we can still seek the help of God’s Spirit by going to His Word and applying it to our own lives and friendships. By studying the “one another” commands and purposes, we can grow to be more like our Savior in how we relate to those we call friends.
In my next newsletter, I plan on covering expectations in friendships—not necessarily what they are purposed for, but what we often expect them to be. Until then, I pray these biblical examples of friendships as well as the “one another” passages give you a better understanding of how we can be purposeful to live like Christ in our friendships. As always, thank you for listening or reading along to Speaking Truth!
What Are Friends For?