You've Got a Friend in Me

Proverbs 17:17
“A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

“You’ve Got a Friend in Me” by Randy Newman is such a fun, nostalgic song from my childhood that always comes to my mind when I think about the topic of “friendship.” I love the picture of a friend that that song paints: no matter how far away you are from someone (time or space), no matter what troubles may come your way, the love of a friend can still remain. That pictures goes hand in hand with Proverbs 17:17 and how it describes a friend as someone who “loves at all times.”

But what else does it mean to be someone’s friend? What makes a “good friend” or a “bad friend” or a “best friend?” Even though the idea of having friends is common to all of us, I think we would probably answer those questions differently. The topic of friendship is what I plan on sharing about next here on Speaking Truth; and while I do want to address questions like, “What makes or defines a friend?”, my real purpose is to dive into what the Bible has to say about friendship.

Some of the things I plan to cover in this series are the purposes of friendship, expectations in friendships, fear of man in friendships, loneliness, and idolizing friendships. I want to spend several weeks diving into relational principles from the Bible that can help us grow to honor God more in how we view our friends and as we strive to be more like Christ to our friends. I truly believe God has given us everything we need for life and godliness through His Word, and that includes help for making and navigating friendships.

So, what does the Bible have to say about friendship? Well, there is no official “biblical definition” of what a friend is. There are references to the word “friend” and “friendship” scattered throughout the Bible, and we can definitely find examples of what “being a friend” or “friendships” can look like. However, the Bible is full of wisdom and commands regarding how we are to view and relate to other people, and those are the types of passages I plan on looking at in this series. The opening verse of Proverbs 17:17 is one example of those references, and I think it is probably one of the most quoted: “a friend loves at all times.” Jesus repeats this idea when talking to His disciples during the Last Supper:

John 15:13
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

From these passages we can glean that to be a friend means, at least in part, to love someone. But what does that love look like? To start this series off, I want to spend today briefly thinking about what a friend is and how we make them, and then to look at the perfect example of a friend from the Bible.

Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary defines a friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem.” The Oxford English Dictionary defines it in this way: “A person with whom one has developed a close and informal relationship of mutual trust and intimacy.” In my own words, I like to define a friend as “someone who chooses to be like family to you, who truly likes you, either for particular reasons or for no reason at all.” Sometimes friends are made because we share common interests or experiences with someone else. Other times friends come from just being around one another, like at work or school. Most of us, however, don’t think of friendship as something formally decided or agreed upon—friends just become friends.

When we’re children, friendships are often pretty easy to make. Do you like to play together? Do you like the same toys or live on the same street? Great, you are basically friends! As we get older, and as we mature emotionally and physically, making friends becomes slowly more difficult, though. Instead of only being able to hurt someone physically, older children start to learn that words hurt too—especially mean words from someone you thought was your friend. Adolescence brings more drama to the friendship mix when hormones and emotions run high, and friend fights and “break ups” become common place even over small disagreements. Yet through the turmoil of navigating friendships in our youth, making friends as an adult has even more barriers. Those who attend college often get a few more years of “easy” bonding with classmates, teammates, or roommates. But after that, it’s a whole different game. As adults, our social connections often become limited due to our work or family life, which narrows the pool for potential friends. Those factors also limit the time we have available to have and make new friends, let alone to keep up with the old ones!

Since I plan to use the next several newsletters to discuss in further depth different aspects of friendship (like purpose, expectations, loneliness, etc.), I wanted to focus the rest of this post on highlighting the perfect example of friendship that we find only in the Bible: Jesus.

I’m not choosing Jesus just because He is the cliche Sunday school answer for everything—I want us to look at Jesus’ friendships because He truly is the perfect friend. We can’t possibly answer the question of “What really makes a friend?” without examining His life. Jesus chose to live in the close company of friends, His 12 disciples (John 15:15). He spent most of the 3 years of His ministry here on earth pouring into these men. By looking at His relationship with His disciples, we see that being a good friend takes time and effort. It takes patience, grace, and forgiveness. I think of John 14 when Jesus lovingly and patiently answers the questioning Philip, or when He graciously answers Thomas’ doubting in John 20. Ultimately, a good friend loves so much that he would give his life for his friends, as Jesus taught during the Last Supper (John 15) and demonstrated through His own suffering and death.

The 12 disciples were not Jesus’ only friends, though. We see another example of how Jesus loved and viewed His friends in the example of Lazarus, Mary, and Martha. Jesus spent time in their home and purposely invested in visiting them; and in Lazarus’ death we see the deep emotional love He felt for this friend and family (John 11; John 12; Luke 10). Jesus also trusted the Father’s good plan for His friends, knowing that Lazarus’ death had a purpose, no matter how painful. Jesus understood that His Father loved His friends as much as He did—perfectly.

Jesus’ life also displayed for us the hard truth that being friends with sinners often ends in hurt. His closest friends couldn’t stay awake and pray with Him on the night before His death (Matthew 26:36-46); the same friends even denied Him publicly, like Peter (Luke 22:54-62). Even after the years spent with Him, Jesus’ friends didn’t believe Him fully until they saw Him resurrected, face-to-face (John 20:19-20). And through all of this, Jesus remained faithful to those He loved (John 13:1). He encouraged them, loved them, grieved with them, and restored them when they failed.

If Jesus, the perfect friend to all who knew Him, experienced these kinds of hurts in relationships, we as imperfect friends must expect them too. And His responses and reactions to the hurts of life are what we must seek to replicate. We won’t be able to do so perfectly, but by His power we can grow to reflect more of the image of Christ to the friends around us (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). I’m so thankful to know that my Savior has gone before me and walked through the same relational heartaches, because I can then trust Him to walk with me through my relational pain.

My prayer is that this introduction was an encouragement and reminder to you that we have a perfect friend in Jesus, no matter how you view your current friendships, whether you feel like you have none, or you’ve been hurt seriously by those you considered friends. I pray this series will give you hope from the truth of God’s Word that we can grow in godliness in our friendships because Christ has gone before us. I look forward to pursuing truth together in this series, so thank you again for reading or listening to Speaking Truth. As you go on with your day, take some time to stop and reflect on these few lyrics from the old hymn, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”

Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer!